i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
