Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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