I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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