My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
