Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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