What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
