apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
