$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
