I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
