i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
