The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
