Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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