I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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