i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sex in a hospital.. check
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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