i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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