Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
