Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
