Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
