If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
