My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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