I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
