And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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