why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
