i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
