these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
