oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
