sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't put those talents on a resume
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
