Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
