Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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