how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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