remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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