fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
worst night to have a conscience
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
