I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
why is half of my head shaved?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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