I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
