I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
