He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
