cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize