i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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