Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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