When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
