did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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