Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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