Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
