Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so let's talk penis.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
