I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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