I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
