Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
