Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
