There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize