Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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