Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
