the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
