then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
