Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
