I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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