He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
