I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
