DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
