Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's just like the Real World with babies
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
