I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
