Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
