The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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