in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
