Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
