high people should be assigned attendants
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize