Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
