I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
