You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
