porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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