Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
